11/1 - Did Halloween just pass?

I've gotten quite behind on everything to be honest. I had quite a hiccup with my new medication and it took me out for a bit. It does a great job of giving me a good nights sleep and condensing my REM sleep into alot at night BUT there is one minor  major problem - it makes me nauseous. I'm not talking a little bit either. I'm talking I wasn't able to eat for days. Literally. I couldn't touch a bit of food (usually a cracker) until mid-day and then it was a handful of crackers and a few bites for dinner. So I have this amazing medication that has sorta given me my life back it makes me really nauseous and then to further complicate things, the medicine that I take during the day to help me stay awake makes me dizzy. Needless to say, I've had to play with my medications a lot and figure out the right combination for me. Oh yeah. During all this, my awesome doctor has stopped practicing medicine in Florida and is moving to NC and my primary doctor (her nurse actually) can't understand how to write a referral to get me to another sleep doctor. After weeks of playing with my medication myself and medical personnel having no idea how to write referrals, I have switched my insurance so that I don't need referrals anymore, and I'm down about 15 lbs. On the upside, I just got an appt for next week with my new sleep doctor and the nauseous is finally starting to subside (so thankful for this) and I haven't been dizzy in almost 2 weeks which has felt AMAZING!!

Eli had to get a few vaccinations a few weeks ago and he had a reaction for the first time. He got the shots on Friday (Brad had to take him which was a first for him and Eli - he visited at just the right time) and on Sunday evening I noticed his arm getting all blotchy and red and very warm. After talking with a few friends and reading up on it, I took it as a mild reaction but definitely something I need to tell the doctor about next time. I'm not even sure what shot caused it because they gave him all 3 shots in the same arm (great idea for quickness, horrible for reactions). It took a little over a week to go away but thankfully all was fine.

My mom got really sick after Brad left and was out of commission for a few days. She literally slept almost the entire day for a few days. That said, Aiden had an in-service day on a Friday but I knew my mom couldn't stay awake to watch him so I had to bring him to work. I made him a little corner but at the last minute moved him to the back of the class. He did pretty good. He started standing up and making noises towards the end of class which was really distracting to me but thankfully most of the kids didn't even know he was there until I pointed it out. I was in a bind this day because Eli had testing through the school system and I wasn't allowed to bring Aiden. Thankfully Kia was also out of school and she watched Aiden for an hour while Eli did his assessment. Eli is being referred on through the system for further evaluation because .... he's just so inconsistent. When the woman tested him on his colors he only got 4 right. She asked him again mid testing and got 7 right and then asked him again at the end and he got the same 4 right he did the first time. Very bizzare. That and he won't hold a pencil, marker, crayon, etc in anyway resembling the correct way to hold something. It doesn't help that he keeps switching back and forth from a lefty to a righty and then lefty again. Mrs. Jen had made the boys pumpkins and they were pretty excited about it.

I decided to take the boys to a pumpkin patch and found one not too far away. It was definitely aimed at their age group which was good. There was a tractor ride, a mini barrel ride, a maze (man I miss the Maryland corn mazes), bounce houses, playgrounds, and even a mini petting zoo which the boys wouldn't go near because it smelled too bad. Even though it was the 2nd week in October, it was HOT!! Man I was sweating to death and the boys' faces were all red from running around and jumping in the bounce houses. After 2 hours we left and got a bite to eat on the way home.

The boys don't get much time together at home anymore it seems since we started Tae Kwon Do so I think they are appreciating it a bit more when they do get it. Here they are wrestling and being silly. For the last 2 weeks almost we had a cold front (in Florida it's considered that) and the day temperatures have been in the 70's and low 80's. It was awesome!!!

Rusty, Aiden's former therapist, suggested I try something with Eli and I was all for it. I recorded each segment and then sent it to her so she could see for herself. I asked Eli about his colors and shapes in a book that we have by quizzing him. He got the majority wrong the first time. I then put him in the swing and twisted him all up and let him go a couple times. He was laughing and loving it. We did that for a while and then I re-tested him (I never told him the correct answers before) and he did SO MUCH better. It was quite amazing. Not only did he get most of the answers correct, but he was actually sitting still and attentive when I was asking him which was not what happened the first time I asked him. So now I will let Eli "play and swing" some before I work with him and he actually does better. So amazing.

The boys decided bike riding was how they would get their exercise last weekend and said that was great. I was just following them around everywhere and remembered/realized a few things. They love hidden sidewalks and secret paths. They really do enjoy nature and ask awesome questions about things. They are getting very fast and I can take them out jogging now!!! And finally, I think Eli is ready for those training wheels to come off.





My friend Sue has a Halloween party every year and this is her last year throwing it. I invited Grace and Mike (and Arin when she got off work) to meet us there. I grabbed dinner for the boys on the way over and they ate it once we got there. Aiden wanted to be a bat (not batman) for Halloween and Eli's was Superman. It took three tries to make those bat wings for Aiden using different materials and different measurements because he's so sensory overloaded and many things bother him. The boys had a blast with Grace. Once it got dark and they needed their finger lights, they really started to have fun. They jumped in the bounce house with their lights too. Once it got pretty dark (7:00ish), we watched a Shrek Halloween movie. It was too loud for Aiden so we ended up missing most of it because we had to find Sue and see if she had any headphones Aiden could use to block out the sound. Eli, Grace, and Mike had fun watching it though. It was a fun outing for all of us.

On Thursday, Aiden had to dress up as a book character for a Character Parade his school hosts for the K-1. He went as a pirate. His teacher asked me to come help and that was a lot of fun. I actually didn't get done until he did (it was a half day) so I just brought him back home. My mom took Eli to daycare and then stayed there to help with Eli's school Halloween festivities. I'm not excited about his teacher right now at daycare. He really enjoyed his other teacher but the class was so big that they divided the kids up and Eli needed to be separated from this other little boy that would kick, hit, bully him everyday. Please send a prayer up for me to do the right thing for Eli and his daycare situation. We've never had problems like this before at a daycare and I just don't know what to do. I'm paying a lot of money right now for what feels like babysitting, not teaching. We'll see. I'll continue to go in at random times to check to see what is going on. I went this morning and was totally not impressed with what I saw for 30 minutes!!!

Nana was pretty tired from working outside all day at Eli's daycare so she rested at home some while I took them to Chick-fil-a to trunk or treat and get some dinner. here are my silly boys. We came home and went out around our neighborhood. This is what I posted on Facebook when we got home later that night: "Call me old fashioned but here are my rules for trick-or-treating: walk to the houses (not ride golf carts or piles in trucks when the houses are all close together), don't walk in other people's grass (use the driveway and entry path), when people offer you a bowl of candy you take ONE piece unless they say you can take more, you politely take what you are given and don't ask for a specific kind of candy, and finally, say thank you. What are your expectations on Halloween? Man I'm getting old apparently."

I was exhausted from running around with them but they had a great time. There favorite time was trying to chase people down to give candy to once we got home. They love it when trick-or-treaters come and really like to give them candy. It's just too cute to watch. I will plan better for them to be able to give out more candy next year by getting home a little earlier. I never put a decoration this year and usually I do. I just didn't have time. I even got a pumpkin but didn't carve it ... until tonight. The day after Halloween. I even got all the tools for 50% off!! Better late than never. I've just been burnt out and feel like I'm just always playing catch up. Brad was supposed to be home 2.5 weeks ago but we knew that wasn't going to happen. We are praying he comes home in mid-November but we will have to see. 

9/21 - pool, parks, and fun

It's been a really long time since I've posted. I've just haven't been able to keep up with the pace of life (see my last post). That said, I've still tried to make sure the boys are having fun. Here are the boys at the playground. It's so awesome that Aiden can swing himself now. I'm trying to get Eli to get there. He's totally not motivated by telling him that when he learns how to swing he can swing whenever he wants but I do think I can motivate him to learn by telling him he can make himself go really super hi.

It's been great to have Mike and Arin so close (it would be awesome if they were closer but at least we are only 45 minutes away now) and they came over a few weeks ago and we all went to the pool. The boys had a ton of fun because Mike was there to play with them in a daddy kind-of way. It was also pretty fun to have an extra pair of hands and eyes at the pool. They let us take the kids down the big slide on our lap for the first time ever. It was great and I've been able to do it again since then. When we first moved here they would not let a parent go down with a child in front on them or on the lap so the boys have really enjoyed that lately. It's also great because the boys love playing with Grace so it's a great day when we get to see the Hunter Family.

We've been experimenting lately with some kids yoga DVD's from the library. Aiden is awesome and will try it and does a good job. Eli just hangs out on the couch and watches Aiden.

Here is Aiden doing some "seat work" in some wipe off books we have. Both boys have books that they can do and it's one of their options during quite time on the weekends.

The boys have been wanting to go this playground by us for a while. We pass it going to our house but have never made it to it. We set out on an adventure a few weeks ago on a Saturday morning. We biked down (it's about a mile) and then had snack there and played for a bit. The actual playground is not that great but the boys had a ton of fun getting the back tire of the bike stuck in the sand and then pedaling still so that sand would shoot out from under the back wheel. I was too nervous they wouldn't have enough energy to make it back home so eventually had to put an end to that. We did go on an impromptu treasure hunt after Aiden decided a level of the playground was a ship and we were about to crash so we had to jump ship. We ran to the island and found a tree with treasures (little berries). And no, I didn't let them eat them. The had a ton of fun trying to pick them off the tree and they stored a bunch in their snack cups. It was getting late and hot and I was getting pretty tired so we headed back. Aiden had a hard time making it back but Eli was full of energy. I actually had to slow him down so that he would stay in my sight while I was trying to encourage Aiden to pedal more and/or take less breaks. I finally told them that if they made it back all the way (Nana was on stand-by to come get us) they could have a movie night (watch a movie and eat on the picnic blanket in the living room). Aiden was exhausted but made it. Eli was full of energy and probably could have kept going for a while longer. That's nice to know seeing how he plays the "I'm too tired" card when any kind of walking is involved. :)

I had a Cutco service person come to the house to sharpen our knives about 1.5 weeks ago. While he was doing his thing, Eli (who was fully dressed the man got here) comes out in a full pirate costume. I couldn't even keep a straight face. The cutco guy was laughing and Eli played pirate for a while. This child is so random but so funny.

I decided we hadn't painted in a while and Eli normally loves to paint but usually I don't have the energy or patience for it. I've been making a point to be 100% engaged when I do something purposeful with the boys and wanted to paint with sponges. I cut them up and got the paint all ready and was excited. Eli painted for about 2 minutes and then decides he is done and doesn't want to paint anymore. Aiden got in to it quite a bit. He eventually put an apron on and painted a lizard and a person walking it. He's become so creative and willing to try and draw things. School has really helped him with this and I'm so excited for him. He has always been so scared to try and draw/write things because he will "mess up" or "doesn't know how to do it right" and I'm so glad he's been able to let go of that some and just try.

Aiden has been asking if I can bring Eli to school for lunch. Aiden's lunch is at 10:30 which is pretty early so I finally put it in my schedule to do. Eli was so excited to go. I told Aiden's teacher we were coming because he's been wanting to show me a journal that he has a school and she said he could bring it to lunch next time I come. He chose his Science Journal. So far it's a bunch of colors and he has to glue a small sheet of paper onto his notebook paper and then complete it (write the color and then do a little activity near the bottom). On the other page he has to draw various things that are the same color. I took a picture of this page, Orange. He drew some of the same thing on the right side that was in the picture on the left but he didn't have to.  I was so impressed especially with his jack-o-lantern.

Eli gave Aiden a huge hug when it was time for him to go. Eli was pretty excited that we left Aiden's school (where he did eat a decent lunch) and was able to go to daycare and eat lunch again. It turns out though that he wasn't hungry for much.

The Oakleaf Chick-fil-a had a carnival a week ago and we went (it was a Monday or Tuesday night). It was awesome. They totally outdid themselves and put on quite a show. While we were waiting to get our tickets to get in to the carnival, a man on stilts came over to us. The boys thought that was pretty cool and the man was juggling and even played catch with Aiden. Eli was too shy to play catch though. We got in and the tickets that we got to get in were then used for the candy jar booth. They got to pick out 3 kinds of candy to go in a bag which they thought was pretty fun. Nana went to wait in line for the ferris wheel and I took the boys around to some other random booths. They had a mini blinko board and the boys won a free cookie and free Dr. Pepper drink. The threw some bean bags through holes and won a cow too. It was then time for the ferris wheel. 

They were pretty excited and had a ton of fun on it. It's hard to see their faces but they loved it. We then waited in the train line for about 30 minutes. I tried to talk to the boys out of it because we rode the train a few weeks ago and could come back in a few weeks to ride it again. They said they wanted to wait for it though. So we finally got on the train and while we rode the train Nana went over to the ferris wheel and got in line for it again. We literally got off the train and then the boys got to ride the ferris wheel one more time right when we got off the train.

The boys had a really fun night and it was a great even that Chick-fil-a hosted.

 I set up another bike obstacle course again the other day before school. I know Aiden goes and sits all day from 8:30 until 12:30pm which is when he has PE so I try and get him moving in the morning if we have time. They have fun and it's a great way to start the day. In this picture Eli is navigating through all the curves.

Aiden had Parent Night last week at school. The first 20 minutes were for parents of K-2 to go the classrooms and see what has been going on and then to listen about the new grading procedures for the other 40 minutes. Aiden was really excited to show me all his other stuff. I was amazed. He has a Poetry Journal!! It focuses on a letter and then there is a 4 line rhyme using that letter and then a little song at the bottom. He has to glue that on one page and then has to draw a picture of it on the other. Towards the beginning of the journal (before they start working on the letters) they had some open-ended questions. One was "I can ...." Aiden wrote "I can love." and then drew this picture (see pic to the left) on the other page. He said he was dancing with me (I'm not sure if I'm the brown person or orange and blue) and the hearts showed how much he loves me. My heart just melted. So sweet.

Nana asked if Aiden wanted to help her make some cookies last week. He said and then runs out to the craft/game area. I then hear all this weird noise. I go to see what he is doing and he's bringing the art easel over to the kitchen and says "I'll write down the rules." What? Rules? We are cooking. He then proceeds to come up and writes down the following rules:
1. Follow directions [on the cookie mix].
2. Be safe.
3. Clean hands.
4. Clean up your mess.
5. No snezzing on cookies.
6. Don't eat all the cookies.
7. Make sure you share cookies.

The kid cracks me up. I picked up Eli from daycare and once he got home and washed his hands, he was allowed to help too. I was shocked that they both made a few cookies. They have never make a cookie ball for me. They put one finger in it and say it's gross and won't touch it.

 Last Saturday I took the boys down to the pool in the morning at 10am. We were the first ones there! Nana came down a bit later and joined us which was great. It was nice and relaxing and we enjoyed it. It worked out well because it rained all afternoon so we were stuck inside.

Last Saturday marked one week I have been on my new medication. I found out that 28 days worth of medicine costs $6200. Yeah. You read that right. Wow. The first days felt like no change but I then started to notice one of my medications that typically has not worked, started working (it's called Provigil). After a week on the new medicine, you are supposed to tritrate up to the next highest dose. I am super sensitive to many medicines so I decided to not go quite so high as they recommended. I took my 10pm dose and then woke up at 2am, felt very drugged still, but went ahead and took my 2nd dose like I'm supposed to. I woke up on Sunday morning and had a headache, was nauseous, and very dizzy. I knew it was from my medicine dosage and thought it would wear off in a few hours. It didn't. I missed sunday school and church. The boys were so good though and played so well together which was a blessing. I could barely stand up to even fix their breakfast. My doctor was not reachable so I called the drug manufacturer and they had a pharmacist call me right away. He said it was just taking my body a little longer to eliminate the drug but it would be gone in a few hours (this was 10:30am). Nothing had changed by 5pm. I called again and talked with the same pharmacist and he told me the problem was not from the drug because the drug is so fast acting that it was out of my bloodstream and it was something out and I should get it checked out ASAP. I thought about it, talked with Brad, thought about it, and then realized I waited all day and it wasn't even a tad better so why would it be better after sleeping. I wasn't about to take the medication again that night in case it was the medicine and it might have an additive effect. I needed to teach on Monday morning so I decided the ER was the right choice for me. Problem: how do I get there when I clearly can't drive (I could barely walk) and my mom can't take me because some needs to be with the kids who I just put to bed? I had to take a stupid ambulance!!!
To make a long story short, the Orange Park Medical Center was so amazed at the medication that I was on that they had never heard of that they pretty much just focused on that. I did have 2 awesome church friends (Christina and Mrs. Linda Ferguson) meet me at the hospital and these crazy women stayed with me from 8:30ish until I was released at 2am!!! Now that is a friend. Needless to say, they didn't know what was wrong and thought it was the medication. I canceled my JU class which I felt HORRIBLE about and then went to bed by 3am. I spoke with my dr on Monday morning and he said it wasn't the new medication and then made a phone call and sent an e-mail to Stanford (where all the really smart people in the world of narcolepsy and this drug are at). Someone from Standford even called to talk with me. All day monday I was crazy dizzy but was able to eventually eat some saltines and 7-up. Tuesday morning was still pretty bad and I was getting so discouraged. I literally couldn't do anything. Even shutting my eyes made me really dizzy. By Tuesday late afternoon I started to feel some relief and that was great. I was taking zofran around the clock because I was so nauseous that I couldn't even eat anything which I'm sure wasn't helping the dizziness.

On Wednesday, it was Eli's 4th birthday. Mrs. Chari, Eli's teacher, is so awesome and made a sign for the door since 2 kids in her class had birthdays this week. Eli had a good day (I left a balloon and play-doh for his class) on Tuesday evening. I barely made it through work on Wednesday and thought I was going to pass out a few times.

Once Aiden got home from school, he helped Nana and I wrap presents for Eli and then decided to make a tent for Eli's puppies. While I went to get Eli, Aiden and Nana made this tent for Eli and decorated it. It was so thoughtful of Aiden!! I'll write more about Eli's birthday in the next post.

I took this picture on Thursday. Here is Aiden peeling his carrot that he was having in his lunch on Friday. No he wasn't eating the whole thing but I love how much he likes to help in the kitchen.




This week has been so crazy with me feeling so incredibly horrible for a few days and then trying to prepare for Eli's party which was difficult because the RSVP list doubled after the please respond by date. I don't get that. I had wednesday as the cut off date and got 3 RSVP by then and then got 1 one Thursday night and 2 on early friday morning. I had already made all the goodie bags so then had to go buy more stuff. It was all good though. Eli had an awesome birthday party today. I'll write about that in a few days hopefully.

9/6 - You don't realize what you have ....

until it's gone. It's so true. You don't truly see things as blessings until it is yanked away from you and only then can you see it from a different perspective. I used to get bored if I didn't have enough things to do during the day. I used to run around like crazy and then wonder why I packed my day so full. Those were the days. Then I had kids. Everything changed. Not because of the kids per say, but because my body flipped out during my first pregnancy. I got mono at 9 weeks and then followed by a virus that caused havoc on my body (and kept me near the potty). I was either pregnant or breast feeding for a little over 3 yrs. I was chasing around 2 very small kids (one with colic) who had lots of ear infections (read doctor appointments) and Brad was usually gone. I was working 2 part-time jobs at the beginning but couldn't handle all the traveling and time away so just started doing teaching (I was the Wellness Specialist before). I was tired. Very tired.

Time went on and I just figured life with his was just extremely exhausting. It wasn't until a little over a year ago that I really got the feeling that I shouldn't be this tired. When we got to Alabama last year things continued to get worse. I was completely worn out. I wanted to do part-time daycare with the boys but quickly realized that wasn't an option because I was too tired to care for them the way I wanted to. I started seeing doctors and trying to figure out what was wrong. I had to take at least one nap, sometimes 2 naps a day because I was so tired. My constant workout schedule was reduced to lucky if I have the energy to do anything. A workout no longer gave me energy and made me feel good. It completely drained me and I was useless for the rest of the day. I even drove 3 hrs away to see a Naturopath doctor to get input about things
My symptoms:

• EXTREME fatigue
• always being cold
• tons of hair falling out
• my concentration and memory were getting bad
• unexplained weight gain
• lowered blood pressure

At first they thought it was my thyroid which really seemed to fit. Blood work revealed things to be within normal limits (but barely). There was one time when the test indicated hypothyroidism but they did a repeat test and it squeaked back up barely. My primary care then ordered an MRI of my brain to check my pituitary for a tumor. It came back clear. I suddenly got pretty severe ulcerative colitis and I was being treated for that. An endocrinologist wanted to check my adrenal glands and did a cortisol test which I had a horrible reaction to and passed out. I was being treated for adrenal insufficiency without having confirmation of it but it was worth trying. It brought up my energy slightly but not to a point where I could function normally. I was sent to a kidney doctor for having protein in my urine and while it came back ok that day and she couldn't find anything wrong. she definitely thought there was something wrong. She asked me a bunch of questions and then said I should get a sleep study.

Armed with this information, my primary care sent me to neurologist who agreed. I did a first sleep study and that test revealed I was borderline hypersomnia. After some discussion with the nurse at the neurology office, she realized I did my first study while on two medications than can greatly alter the test results. I went off the medications and waited 3 weeks and did another study. This time the study came back and they classified me as hypersomnia. The first sleep test I feel asleep in my daytime naps in about 8min 30 sec and in the second one it was about 3 min and 30 sec. I was diagnosed with idiopathic hypersomnia and prescribe a traditional medication to help. The medicine definitely helped with keeping me awake for the first few weeks but I was also still very fatigued. I was on the medication for about a month and then moved back to Florida. Another week or two passed and I was completely exhausted again. I mean I could nap all day exhausted (although I can't really nap because the medicine I take keeps me awake, but I'm still exhausted which is actually painful. I'm so tired but can't sleep during the day). I go through a bunch of referrals and doctors here and finally come to a doctor that says something is wrong with my body and we need to figure it out. About 2 weeks ago I had a spinal tap and the fluid was send to Stanford University for analysis which will take a while. I also had tons of bloodwork done. A few days later I had another sleep study (night and day) and this time I fell asleep in an average 2 min 30 seconds and hit REM sleep on all of naps. In my night study I also hit REM sleep in about 40min (it should be about 90 min) as well. The combination of these things along with my extreme tiredness has given the doctor a different diagnosis: Narcolepsy without cataplexy. Narcolepsy!! No I don't fall asleep while anyone is talking to me but if you stop talking and I know it's okay to fall asleep I certainly will. He changed my medication dosage and it hasn't done anything. I am still completely exhausted. I can barely take care of the boys at this point. I feel like it takes all the energy I have to just get them fed and off to school. The afternoon is even worse and I feel so lucky if I have actually given them a dinner that would be considered a meal.

This week, my doctor decided to put me on a medication which could significantly change things. It is a medication that has changed many lives and has allowed people to live a normal life again. This medication will also alter things for me and the boys. You can have no alcohol with this medication which doesn't matter for me since I don't drink. You also cannot have any food 2 hr prior to taking it which means no more food after 8pm. This will be a challenge because I like my 8:30/9:00 little snack to keep my belly full during the night. This medication is only made and distributed through one company the program is tightly controlled because of the potentness of it. I start the medication tomorrow and I am hopeful but nervous. Part of me still thinks it is something about my thyroid that is wrong but another part of me is so desperate for the ability to stay awake that I will do/try anything. It seems so much safer for me to try a small dose of synthroid or something rather than this crazy black listed drug but then again I'm not a doctor ... well I am but not the medical kind :) It just seems like I got pregnant and then my body started fighting against itself and hasn't stopped.

5 yrs ago I would never thought that I would be someone who is so exhausted I can barely function (and sometimes not function). I feel like I can't even keep up with life. I can't dream of doing anything past 7pm because I'm crawling to bed myself at that time. My mind is so foggy that it takes me twice as long to do anything. At least those days that I used to run around like crazy, I had the energy for it. I was worn out at the end but that was it. These days I couldn't physically do it; my body wouldn't let me "go" for that long.

I'm posting this so it will be in the blog. Yes the pictures I take often make things appear so great and fun but .... I am struggling to be the mom I want to be. I'm so exhausted by the time Aiden gets home that I just want to curl up on the bed or couch. I don't (usually) but I'm so exhausted that my brain isn't working and the simplest tasks seem so hard. I have barely enough energy to get Eli and once I get him home I'm so exhausted. They have been gone all day so they just want to play and spend time with me. I've missed interacting with them all day but my body just can't function at the level needed to keep up with them. There are many times I'm so exhausted after making dinner that I just sit at the table with my dinner in front of me because it requires too much energy to have to eat. I know it sounds crazy. The tv and i-pad babysitters are showing up more and more because I'm too tired. The disappointed faces of little boys who just want to play with me but I am just too tired are devastating to me. So I am praying for a treatment that works; something that can let me be an active part of my boys lives, be a wife, and just feel human again. Your prayers are appreciated. This past 1.5 yrs have been the most difficult I have experienced. I have such a small amount of energy and to-do lists that are huge and I still haven't figured out a way to let go of all the things that I didn't do. With all the exercise I have done and healthy eating (for the most part), I would never have thought my health would be in this condition. Today I am thankful for legs that work and get me around, arms to hugs my boys, eyes to see God's beautiful creations, a heart that works and loves.

5/9 - God is .......

What word would you use to fill in the blank for the Title of this blog. God is .....
A week ago I would have said God is absent or not listening. Despite my prayers, it seems that my health has continued to decline and we have yet to get any answers. In fact, on Monday, I spent half the day in the ER because my abdomen was so painful, swollen, and hard and it hurt to move. It also felt like I just stuffed my face when I had not. After suffering through a month with severe and often re-occuring migraines (which medicine did not relieve) and ulcerative colitis becoming a huge problem, I thought I was due for a break. Well, a horrible month combined with 6-9 months of such severe fatigue (and no answers or explanations) which was preceded by almost back-to-back deployments with small children, one having special needs and the other requiring another set of tubes the day after daddy deployed, sub-par health for me since having the kids, and still trying to work some, life has been just hard. I've been feeling lately like God isn't hearing any of my prayers. I know that is not true and I can definitely see God's hand over our lives the last couple years but I still wonder, "God, why bless me with these children and then not even give me the energy to be able to take care of them?" God got me through 2 very difficult and problem-laden pregnancies, the first 2-3 yrs of both of the boys lives were filled with medical problems and now .... they are finally healthy and now I unable to take care of them because my body isn't functioning right. It just doesn't seem right. I had a friend I did gymnastics with and her mom was suffering from a serious medical condition and I always felt so bad for her because I felt like her life was so limited because her mom was so sick and it prevented her from doing so many things. I don't want to be that mom. So, I've really been bothered lately about our current situation and me so desperately wanting to be in a better state of health. So back to the ER, they took an x-ray and said it was fine. They did blood work and my liver enzymes were crazy high. They told me I just had a strained muscle in my stomach (darn cross-fit workouts) and to go see a gastrointestinal (GI) doctor. As you may recall, my sleep study needs to be re-done because they failed to take me (or tell me) to discontinue a medication that can significantly alter the results of the sleep study. My sleep study was scheduled for monday night. I made a call to my GI doctor and they could see me on Tuesday morning or Thursday morning. Tuesday morning I am supposed to be at the sleep clinic and I was planning on going to Florida to house hunt on Wed-Fri so that wouldn't work. My stomach has been so painful (which is why I was at the ER; well that and thanks to how the military system works - "we have no appointments but you might have internal bleeding so go to the ER"). My husband and I decided we should put off the sleep study and go to the GI dr because my stomach has been so bad that it's even affecting my sleep. Well, it gets more complicated. I've been off my ADHD meds now for a week so that it won't mess up the study and that has been challenging. I'm more tired (if that is possible) and don't get near as much work done because I can't focus. I went to the GI doctor and he changed my meds and we will re-assess in 2 weeks. Please pray these new meds work and bring me some relief.

OK. Back to God. Needless to say, I keep telling myself that any day now my health will start getting better and then this happens this week. I was so devastated and really doubting if God was hearing my pleas for better health. He blessed me with a family and now I can't even take care of them.

Brad and I did lots of on-line searching earlier this week for houses. I made a list (excel spreadsheet with columns for everything you can imagine) and then we finally narrowed it down the top 10. We made a Top 3 list and then I had the next 5 listings that we were interested in. There was 1 house that I found on military by owner 2 (the others were found on realtor.com) weeks ago and he wanted to see the pictures so I logged on. An awesome looking house popped up as the first listing and I had not seen it before. It turns out, this new listing was by Oakleaf (where we used to live and loved it). Based on the description given on-line and the pictures, it seemed like a great fit for our needs (my mother is moving in with us so we were looking for something with a guest suite). The problem? It was listed at $100 over what we have planned and decided on for a monthly rent. I really liked and somehow had the nerve to e-mail the owners and ask if they would consider taking $100. They said yes so I set up to see the house on Wed evening at 5:00pm and this was one of our top 3. I found a really nice realtor who was going to show me the properties on Thursday and I planned to sign papers for something and then leave for AL on Thursday morning. One of the other Top 3 houses was also on military by owner and I set up a time to see that place on Thursday late morning. It seemed like I had a good plan ... right?

Side note: The boys and I go to the library on Tuesday to get some new books and I wanted to get a book on CD so I wound't get bored and fall asleep on my drive. I never listened to the one I checked out before and returned so I was just gonna get that one. For some crazy reason (OK God-ordained event) I can't find it. I'm trying to quickly search because the library is about to close and I have both boys with me. I randomly see this Beth Moore Get out of that Pit book on tape. We are in Prattville, AL in the only library which happens to be fairly small considering what we are used to. Seems random they have this book on CD but I grab it. I like Beth Moore and there is no doubt I feel like I'm in a pit.

Well, 2 hours in to my 6.5 hour drive, I get a call from the realtor saying an emergency has come up and she is so sorry but cannot show me any places. Um. Should I just turn around? At this moment, I'm driving to Fl to see 2 houses if she can't help me. Oh my. God - what are you doing? This is a disaster. Part of me started to panic ... but part of me was at peace. I knew that God would find us a place to live but logically, it makes no sense to drive 7 hrs to see 2 houses and I should probably turn around.

With about 2 hours to spare, I insert the Beth Moore book on CD. Fabulous. It's speaking right to me. I'm trying to take notes as I drive (I don't recommend that). God is talking to me and telling me, "I hear you Amy but I'm still working on your journey. I haven't forgotten about you. Yes you have been through a lot but there is a purpose for it all." I know that .... but I needed to hear it the way Beth Moore presented it. I start realizing and thinking that maybe that is true - God hasn't forgotten about me. I need to regain my strength in Him.

I get in town and drive immediately to this house which is now within our budget although I'm about 10-15 minutes. I apologize and then quickly fall in love with this amazing and beautiful house. The more he shows it to me, the more I don't want to leave and the more I feel God patting me on the back and reminding me He will take care and provide for us. The owner probably thought I was crazy because I was diagraming the entire house out. I don't know why. I've never done that before. It was an amazing house. So perfect for our needs right now. Perfect! The entire time he is showing me the house I'm thinking how odd it is that you could take out that family and put my family in there and it seems many things would probably stay the same. This is the home to 3 little boys about the age of mine. He shows me the garage and I see the bikes and jogging stroller. I feel right at home! :) The owner shows me the entire house and seems so very nice. He's not rushing me out and letting me try to draw things on my paper. I am in love with this house. So I'm done viewing the house and am looking at my paper. He says, "do you have any questions?" Oh yeah. I was so distracted by being late (I don't like being late for appointments but I should have known trying to make an appt based on a 6.5 hr drive wasn't a great idea) and was so awe-struck from the awesome house that I didn't ask a question that I should have asked before even looking at the house. "Do you accept pets?" [Crickets, crickets ... look of wanting to say "no" on owners face ... my heart sinking...] We talked about it and left it that he would talk with his wife. I had such mixed feelings. I totally understand that as a homeowner, I despise renters who come in with animals and mess up the place. However, I am not that kind of homeowner or renter but there is no way that I can probably convince him of that and I understand (unfortunately for us). I just prayed as I drove away and then promptly called my husband to tell him about the awesome house I just saw that we probably can't rent.

As I am getting to Sue's house (where I am staying), I get a call from the owner of the house I just saw telling me he and his wife have discussed the pet issue [my heart was sinking because his voice was not sounding like the rest of his sentence would be words I wanted to hear] and they would be okay if we did a deposit. Amazing! I'm on cloud 9 but getting a massive migraine. I draw out floor plans on graph paper and take pictures and send them to Brad. I'm excited but Brad and I agree to see our other top 2 because they also seemed like a very good fit.

I saw the other 2 properties this morning. The one smelled of pet urine (see renters like that give renters like us a bad reputation) and had massive, massive carpet stains everywhere even though the carpets were professionally cleaned yesterday. God made that an easy decision. No to that house. Off to the other of our Top 3. Nice area. OK house. Sufficient but not perfect. It was a done deal. The house we saw last night is literally a perfect fit for us.

So how amazing is that. God ordained a series of events which, at first glance, seemed bad. I didn't need that real estate agent that I thought I did. Not only that, the people that we are going to rent from seem like fabulous people. The husband is the one who showed me the house. I got to meet the wife today while I was filling out the application and signing the lease. I wish they weren't moving kinda (although I LOVE their house) because I think our families would get along great. They seem to be great people and it makes the effort that Brad and I (and the boys) put into being good renters seem more important. I don't know how to explain it. We take very good care of the houses we live in whether it is ours or not. We believe in treating everything, whether it's ours or not, with respect and care and I guess it's kind of neat to finally have someone that can appreciate that.

God is so good. He does take care of His children and this was a great experience to see and feel that again. I need to get back to grading since this is the last week of classes for my students. I'm excited for the summer break of teaching and SUPER excited about our new place to call home. I'll write more about the house later but the experience to be able to call it our house for 2 years has been amazing.

4/30 - Medical update, Pratt Park, & boys day

So let's catch up. I had a sleep study done about 1.5 weeks ago. Wow. It was horrible. Here is a picture that I sent Brad to say "goodnight" to the boys. This was before I got the second round of stuff hooked up to my face and nose. It was almost impossible to sleep.  I had to get there at 7:30pm and then I went to bed around 10:30pm. I slept a little worse than normal. They then woke me up at 5:50am and then I had to stay awake until 8am and then I got to take naps every two hours. That doesn't sound so bad huh? Well, let me tell you. It was horrible. I would just fall alseep and then they would come wake me up (you can't sleep longer than 15 minutes). After not sleeping all night and just my usual amount of tiredness, I was beyond exhausted.

I do not have sleep apnea which is good. However, I was right on the borderline for something called Idiopathic Hypersomnia. This means I'm sleepy all the time and my body actually needs the sleep but there is no explanation for it. Awesome huh? While I did fall alseep for all 5 naps, I did not reach REM sleep which is necessary to be classified as narcoleptic. I also just found at the end of last week that I have to do the study again. Blah. I was the only one there last time for the day study because 95% of people only need to be monitored at night. Anyway, I have to do the test next week and we are doing it without me taking my ADHD medicine. I only had one period of REM sleep before and it lasted for just 30 min which equalled about 9% of my sleep time. The average person gets about 20-25% of REM sleep. Well see what happens. I have had horrible migraines for the past month
 and it got really bad this past weekend. Even my prescription medication does not even make a dent in the pain/pressure that I feel in my head.

Here is Aiden below making bracelets for 2 little girls. He was so cute making them.

Both of the boys recently got gardening gloves. Here is Brad helping Aiden put on his gloves. I helped Eli put on his and then they went out and played in the dirt at the end of the driveway for a bit.



On Friday, Brad had the idea to pack-up dinner in the form of a picnic and go to Pratt Park. I wasn't so excited about it but that's because my head has been killing me and my ulcerative colitis has hampering me quite a bit. It was fun. I was gone taking Aiden to the bathroom and when I come back, I see Eli chasing something around a tree. I ask Brad about it and he then informs me that he told Eli he could pet a squirrel if he could catch one. Seriously!! I couldn't help laughing. Eli so wanted to catch a squirrel. He eventually asked me if he could pet the ducks and I advised him that was a bad idea.

While Eli was off chasing squirrels, Aiden asked Brad what Eli was doing. Brad then told Aiden that he could pet a squirrel if he caught one. Needless to say, it wasn't long before Eli and I heard Aiden yelling that he almost caught a squirrel.  In the picture below you can see Aiden in the far left and a squirrel in the far right.

The squirrel got smart and ran up a phone poll. Aiden waited for the squirrel to come down but that didn't happen so he and Eli went off exploring with daddy for a while.

On Saturday, Brad took the boys to the zoo in the morning. They have really been wanting to go and that is not a trip that I can do at this moment because of medical stuff. They had fun it looked like. This is the first time I haven't gone to the zoo with the boys. It was so odd. There are new white tigers at the zoo and Brad took a picture for me. You can see the white tiger laying in the background between the boys.



 The chick-fil-a cow was also at the zoo and Aiden actually stood by him. This is a first. Aiden does not like the big characters like this so I was glad to see that progress made.

Brad fed the boys lunch and then put them down for short naps. He then got them up and took them to a birthday party. It was just Aiden that was supposed to go but I thought I would be back from the dr by then and I wasn't so Brad had to take Eli with him too. It was a Lego Stars Wars themed party. Aiden is too scared to watch any kind of Star Wars stuff but he likes to look at the comic books and beginning reader books of Star Wars. All the boys had fun it seemed. Brad really got in to it (he's even wearing a mask in one of the pictures below) and was teaching the kids how to fight with their light sabers. He did a great job because in the very last picture on the bottom right, everyone is beating him up with their light sabers. It looked like a very cool party and the boys certainly had fun. 

After such a long day with the boys, Brad was a great sport and even gave them baths. He gave Eli a bath in perfect Eli fashion ... outside at the water spicket. Eli loved every second of it. Aiden wanted to come in for a more traditional bath but that's not surprising. He's starting to be able to make it through a bath without crying which is awesome. He still won't soap himself or anything but ..... baby steps forward it what our goal is and we are achieving that.

I was recuperating on Sunday from the massive amount of drugs given to me on Saturday. After the boys got home from church and had a nap, they played outside. It started to rain and Eli obviously doesn't care about that. Aiden ran inside on got his jacket and a hat (he already had boxers on) so he could still play a little. It was barely sprinkling but I'm so glad Aiden has the influence of care-free Eli in this situation. 

3/31 - Park & fake snow

Brad took the boys in the morning last Saturday to Bass Pro Shop. I took them in the afternoon to Pratt Park (aka Castle Park) for the first time in a few weeks. They had a ton of fun running around. We explored a new area and found a cool new path that the boys really enjoyed. They were running around and finding rocks and then throwing them into the water and watching them sink. It was fun to just watch them play for a bit and I was super excited that Aiden actually picked up dirty rocks to throw. :)

The boys thought it was fun to take pictures of each other at the park too. The one below is cute because you can see them looking in to the screen so they can see themselves while Eli is taking a picture.

Little Eli is so fun. He lost one of tubes last week and is no longer pulling on his right ear all the time. 

After lots of running around in the afternoon, we decided to let the boys have a movie night. Here is the plate I made for them: carrot stick, 2 vanilla wafers, strawberry for the nose, and chicken nuggets for the mouth. They both thought it was pretty fun.

Here are Aiden and daddy doing a craft (therapy project) before Cubbies last week. 

I decided to take Aiden to the dr on Monday because his arm started to get much worse where we thought he had a spider bite. It turns out the dr thinks that it is ring worm although it did not present like typical ring worm at the beginning. They took a skin scraping sample to make sure it's nothing crazy but it's already starting to look a ton better.

Aiden had therapy on Monday this week. Here he is playing a game with me while we were waiting. It's a subtraction game where you take eggs away from the hen house. He thought it was pretty cool and had fun doing it. I'm still trying to decide what to do with him next year about school. A lot of it depends on where we end up living at and if I can teach any classes at UF. I just need to be patient and know that God is in control. The thought of home-schooling terrifies me because I'm the kind of mom that needs a break but ... we'll see what God has in store for me. Last week was very frustrating at daycare for me and Aiden. On Monday, after we returned from Aiden's dr appointment, the Big Green Bus was there in the morning. It threw Aiden all off because it normally comes in the afternoon. I was frustrated because I pay for that service so I would have rearranged things if I knew they were coming in the morning. All the classes had already gone and the babies were in there when we showed up. The man offered for Aiden to come in for the last 10 min but Aiden didn't want to because he was so freaked out with the timing and that it wasn't "his class." I finally got him calmed down and then walked him to his classroom to find out his class was actually in the classroom next door and they were eating lunch at 10:40am. His world was rocked again. Not his classroom. Not lunch time. Not his normal seat..... Poor kid. He was about in tears when I left. I felt horrible that he was so upset and was frustrated that they were eating lunch at 10:40am. It was spring break week around here last week but I felt like they were just putting all the kids down early for nap which frustrates me. Nap is supposed to be from 12-2 but they get down there at like 11:30am and don't get up until 2:15/2:30pm usually. That's a long time when starting at 11:30am you already begin yelling at kids to lay down and be still and do not move. Anyway, my stomach was unsettled and I felt like I needed to go talk with Aiden. I went there at 11:40 and all the kids were already down for nap and most were already asleep. I said, "you got them down here a little early today" and was told, "no we didn't. This is normal." I got even more frustrated. I brushed Aiden to help him calm down and he said he wanted to go home with me. I'm a sucker so I let him. He had to go to a neurologist appointment with me and Brad but was very good. It was the first time at the neurologist and he wants me to have a sleep study done. I go in at 7:30pm on a Monday and then will get to leave mid/later afternoon on the following day. I drop Aiden off at 2:20pm (normally I get there at 2:00 or 2:15pm and they are still sleeping and the lights are off and Aiden gets so upset because he thinks he is going to have to nap). Even though his teacher will tell him he can sit by her because everyone is about to get up, he won't. He goes to his cot, lays down, and cries. So, I was SHOCKED when we got there at 2:20pm and everyone was upstairs. That was awesome and has NEVER happened before. This made going back to daycare much easier for Aiden thankfully. Brad picked up the boys at 4:30pm and Aiden tells him he has had 3 lollipops (in just 2 hours). I was not happy to hear that! I understand a treat now and then put 3 lollipops in 2 hours - seriously. If you have having to bribe kids to behave that much in that short amount of time, you have some serious issues. 

I made some fake snow on Sunday night and brought it with me to therapy. Mrs. Rusty actually got Aiden to touch it which I was shocked about it. He didn't like it all but he eventually made a snow ball for Nana. :)

I got Eli a little interested in the snow that I made. I added some more shaving cream to it because it was a little too powdery. Eli did not like the texture of it at first but he didn't mind playing in it as long as he had something to wipe his hands on. Aiden came over and poked at things a very times. I then gave Eli a syringe with vinegar in it and he added it so some snow and we watched it erupt and bubble. He thought that was pretty cool. 

Tuesday was another frustrating day at daycare. I go to pick up the boys in the afternoon to see that Aiden didn't eat his lunch (almond milk and yogurt). He had a different teacher for lunch and she didn't know that he was supposed to get his lunch box. He said he told his teacher that he has a lunch bag but I'm sure he was shy about it and/or only said something once rather than insisting he get his lunch bag. That teacher apologized but it was just the wrong day for that to happen after such a frustrating day at daycare the day before. Needless to say, I'm praying what to do about daycare. Switch to a mother's day out program? Pull them out of daycare? Just get Aiden during nap time? That would be fine if it was just 2 hours or so but as I have found out, nap time is more like 2.75 hours, not 2. I'm praying for guidance on this one. He is learning and the social interaction is good for him. Eli is doing pretty well at daycare but the other kids are a pretty bad influence. Many of them are non-verbal and like to hit and throw and most of them LOVE picking their nose and eating it. GROSS. Those are things I prefer Eli not pick up but when you are surrounded by them all the time, you will pick them up.

Grandma Jo and Grandpa Dave sent a box for the boys for Easter. They opened it on Tuesday evening and had fun doing that. They both got bath soap/shampoo and Aiden hands his to me and says, "here mom, you can have it." I started laughing. I asked why he didn't want it and he said, "it's a present for you." After some more probing he says, "I don't like to use soap." He cracks me up. They both got giant stuffed animals too.

Oh yeah. And they also got some peeps. Last year neither of them would eat peeps but this year they both ate it.

Now on to the posts about our vacation to TN.