What word would you use to fill in the blank for the Title of this blog. God is .....
A week ago I would have said God is absent or not listening. Despite my prayers, it seems that my health has continued to decline and we have yet to get any answers. In fact, on Monday, I spent half the day in the ER because my abdomen was so painful, swollen, and hard and it hurt to move. It also felt like I just stuffed my face when I had not. After suffering through a month with severe and often re-occuring migraines (which medicine did not relieve) and ulcerative colitis becoming a huge problem, I thought I was due for a break. Well, a horrible month combined with 6-9 months of such severe fatigue (and no answers or explanations) which was preceded by almost back-to-back deployments with small children, one having special needs and the other requiring another set of tubes the day after daddy deployed, sub-par health for me since having the kids, and still trying to work some, life has been just hard. I've been feeling lately like God isn't hearing any of my prayers. I know that is not true and I can definitely see God's hand over our lives the last couple years but I still wonder, "God, why bless me with these children and then not even give me the energy to be able to take care of them?" God got me through 2 very difficult and problem-laden pregnancies, the first 2-3 yrs of both of the boys lives were filled with medical problems and now .... they are finally healthy and now I unable to take care of them because my body isn't functioning right. It just doesn't seem right. I had a friend I did gymnastics with and her mom was suffering from a serious medical condition and I always felt so bad for her because I felt like her life was so limited because her mom was so sick and it prevented her from doing so many things. I don't want to be that mom. So, I've really been bothered lately about our current situation and me so desperately wanting to be in a better state of health. So back to the ER, they took an x-ray and said it was fine. They did blood work and my liver enzymes were crazy high. They told me I just had a strained muscle in my stomach (darn cross-fit workouts) and to go see a gastrointestinal (GI) doctor. As you may recall, my sleep study needs to be re-done because they failed to take me (or tell me) to discontinue a medication that can significantly alter the results of the sleep study. My sleep study was scheduled for monday night. I made a call to my GI doctor and they could see me on Tuesday morning or Thursday morning. Tuesday morning I am supposed to be at the sleep clinic and I was planning on going to Florida to house hunt on Wed-Fri so that wouldn't work. My stomach has been so painful (which is why I was at the ER; well that and thanks to how the military system works - "we have no appointments but you might have internal bleeding so go to the ER"). My husband and I decided we should put off the sleep study and go to the GI dr because my stomach has been so bad that it's even affecting my sleep. Well, it gets more complicated. I've been off my ADHD meds now for a week so that it won't mess up the study and that has been challenging. I'm more tired (if that is possible) and don't get near as much work done because I can't focus. I went to the GI doctor and he changed my meds and we will re-assess in 2 weeks. Please pray these new meds work and bring me some relief.
OK. Back to God. Needless to say, I keep telling myself that any day now my health will start getting better and then this happens this week. I was so devastated and really doubting if God was hearing my pleas for better health. He blessed me with a family and now I can't even take care of them.
Brad and I did lots of on-line searching earlier this week for houses. I made a list (excel spreadsheet with columns for everything you can imagine) and then we finally narrowed it down the top 10. We made a Top 3 list and then I had the next 5 listings that we were interested in. There was 1 house that I found on military by owner 2 (the others were found on realtor.com) weeks ago and he wanted to see the pictures so I logged on. An awesome looking house popped up as the first listing and I had not seen it before. It turns out, this new listing was by Oakleaf (where we used to live and loved it). Based on the description given on-line and the pictures, it seemed like a great fit for our needs (my mother is moving in with us so we were looking for something with a guest suite). The problem? It was listed at $100 over what we have planned and decided on for a monthly rent. I really liked and somehow had the nerve to e-mail the owners and ask if they would consider taking $100. They said yes so I set up to see the house on Wed evening at 5:00pm and this was one of our top 3. I found a really nice realtor who was going to show me the properties on Thursday and I planned to sign papers for something and then leave for AL on Thursday morning. One of the other Top 3 houses was also on military by owner and I set up a time to see that place on Thursday late morning. It seemed like I had a good plan ... right?
Side note: The boys and I go to the library on Tuesday to get some new books and I wanted to get a book on CD so I wound't get bored and fall asleep on my drive. I never listened to the one I checked out before and returned so I was just gonna get that one. For some crazy reason (OK God-ordained event) I can't find it. I'm trying to quickly search because the library is about to close and I have both boys with me. I randomly see this Beth Moore Get out of that Pit book on tape. We are in Prattville, AL in the only library which happens to be fairly small considering what we are used to. Seems random they have this book on CD but I grab it. I like Beth Moore and there is no doubt I feel like I'm in a pit.
Well, 2 hours in to my 6.5 hour drive, I get a call from the realtor saying an emergency has come up and she is so sorry but cannot show me any places. Um. Should I just turn around? At this moment, I'm driving to Fl to see 2 houses if she can't help me. Oh my. God - what are you doing? This is a disaster. Part of me started to panic ... but part of me was at peace. I knew that God would find us a place to live but logically, it makes no sense to drive 7 hrs to see 2 houses and I should probably turn around.
With about 2 hours to spare, I insert the Beth Moore book on CD. Fabulous. It's speaking right to me. I'm trying to take notes as I drive (I don't recommend that). God is talking to me and telling me, "I hear you Amy but I'm still working on your journey. I haven't forgotten about you. Yes you have been through a lot but there is a purpose for it all." I know that .... but I needed to hear it the way Beth Moore presented it. I start realizing and thinking that maybe that is true - God hasn't forgotten about me. I need to regain my strength in Him.
I get in town and drive immediately to this house which is now within our budget although I'm about 10-15 minutes. I apologize and then quickly fall in love with this amazing and beautiful house. The more he shows it to me, the more I don't want to leave and the more I feel God patting me on the back and reminding me He will take care and provide for us. The owner probably thought I was crazy because I was diagraming the entire house out. I don't know why. I've never done that before. It was an amazing house. So perfect for our needs right now. Perfect! The entire time he is showing me the house I'm thinking how odd it is that you could take out that family and put my family in there and it seems many things would probably stay the same. This is the home to 3 little boys about the age of mine. He shows me the garage and I see the bikes and jogging stroller. I feel right at home! :) The owner shows me the entire house and seems so very nice. He's not rushing me out and letting me try to draw things on my paper. I am in love with this house. So I'm done viewing the house and am looking at my paper. He says, "do you have any questions?" Oh yeah. I was so distracted by being late (I don't like being late for appointments but I should have known trying to make an appt based on a 6.5 hr drive wasn't a great idea) and was so awe-struck from the awesome house that I didn't ask a question that I should have asked before even looking at the house. "Do you accept pets?" [Crickets, crickets ... look of wanting to say "no" on owners face ... my heart sinking...] We talked about it and left it that he would talk with his wife. I had such mixed feelings. I totally understand that as a homeowner, I despise renters who come in with animals and mess up the place. However, I am not that kind of homeowner or renter but there is no way that I can probably convince him of that and I understand (unfortunately for us). I just prayed as I drove away and then promptly called my husband to tell him about the awesome house I just saw that we probably can't rent.
As I am getting to Sue's house (where I am staying), I get a call from the owner of the house I just saw telling me he and his wife have discussed the pet issue [my heart was sinking because his voice was not sounding like the rest of his sentence would be words I wanted to hear] and they would be okay if we did a deposit. Amazing! I'm on cloud 9 but getting a massive migraine. I draw out floor plans on graph paper and take pictures and send them to Brad. I'm excited but Brad and I agree to see our other top 2 because they also seemed like a very good fit.
I saw the other 2 properties this morning. The one smelled of pet urine (see renters like that give renters like us a bad reputation) and had massive, massive carpet stains everywhere even though the carpets were professionally cleaned yesterday. God made that an easy decision. No to that house. Off to the other of our Top 3. Nice area. OK house. Sufficient but not perfect. It was a done deal. The house we saw last night is literally a perfect fit for us.
So how amazing is that. God ordained a series of events which, at first glance, seemed bad. I didn't need that real estate agent that I thought I did. Not only that, the people that we are going to rent from seem like fabulous people. The husband is the one who showed me the house. I got to meet the wife today while I was filling out the application and signing the lease. I wish they weren't moving kinda (although I LOVE their house) because I think our families would get along great. They seem to be great people and it makes the effort that Brad and I (and the boys) put into being good renters seem more important. I don't know how to explain it. We take very good care of the houses we live in whether it is ours or not. We believe in treating everything, whether it's ours or not, with respect and care and I guess it's kind of neat to finally have someone that can appreciate that.
God is so good. He does take care of His children and this was a great experience to see and feel that again. I need to get back to grading since this is the last week of classes for my students. I'm excited for the summer break of teaching and SUPER excited about our new place to call home. I'll write more about the house later but the experience to be able to call it our house for 2 years has been amazing.
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